On Goals and Excellence- January 2022

January Blog Post

On Goals and Excellence

The new year is a time when we often think about the coming year and what we would like to accomplish. Of course, any time can be a good time for a reset. So, if you didn’t think about 2022 goals yet, it isn’t too late!

Over the last month I have asked the kids to tell me what their goals are for the year ahead. A few have given me well thought out answers. But most look at me blankly like they never considered a personal goal. What a great opportunity for a life lesson!

Consider talking to children even as young as 3 or 4 about their goals. The characteristics of a goal are as follows:

• The goal should be specific (not I’ll keep my room clean, but rather I will make my bed and put my laundry away).
• The goal should be measurable (I am going to exercise 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes).
•  The goal should be the child’s own goal. You can support with ideas, but you are way more likely to see success if the child is motivated.
• Include the reason your child is motivated to achieve this goal. It is easy to lose your “way” if you don’t know your “why.”

Talk about what success looks like. Success is not perfection. On our path to our goals, we may find it difficult at times. We may experience some failures. Failures are not shameful but rather part of the process. In fact, we often learn more from our failures than from our successes. Talk to your child about a goal you set for yourself and how you learned from your failures on your path to reaching that goal. Children often look at adults as perfect (unless of course you have an adolescent!). Showing them how you struggled to accomplish something will be motivating when they experience the inevitable setback. Help them stay focused on the process and not the product. Think of any skill you have learned (playing a sport or musical instrument) or any goal you have accomplished. You will be able to recall frustrations as well as high points. It is all part of it! All of you who know me know I like to use literature to help kids see common experiences and how others may have accomplished their goals. For little ones, the classic The Little Engine That Could is a good way to encourage them to keep trying. Aesop’s Fables are great bedtime stories about basic values. When I ask children if they have read these classic fables, they are often unfamiliar. For older children, biographies of historical figures or other heroes at an age-appropriate level are inspiring. For parents, I love anything by Brene Brown such as her TED talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en ) or her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Her website is https://brenebrown.com/.

Excellence and realization of goals occur in baby steps over time.

•  Set the goal
• Think about what steps are involved and for older children, write them down. For example, if I want to drink more water, I need to have a water bottle available. Or I want to learn to play the guitar 1. Borrow a guitar 2. Sign up for lessons 3. Practice every day for 15 minutes.
• The change in mindset comes first. If someone is just thinking about making a change, it is a good place to start.
• Remind children: The success of others does not diminish my journey to my goals. They often feel as if they have failed if others are “better” at something than they are. The only worthy competition is the internal one. We all rise when we lift others. That is how we achieve excellence.
• If they become frustrated, support them. Avoid trying to solve the problem for them. Just help them figure out how to work through it. Maybe it is time to put it away for a little while. Maybe a different approach is needed. Help them brainstorm possibilities but let them choose.

I would like to leave you with a quote that many of you know from a poster in one of my exam rooms:

Watch your thoughts for they become your words.

Watch your words for they become your actions.

Watch your actions for they become your habits.

Watch your habits for they become your character.

Watch your character for it becomes your destiny.

And our children are always watching.

Blessings in the year ahead,

Dr. Dewling